Emotional Manipulators and Codependents: Understanding the Attraction - Jack Hirose & Associates
But a caretaker personality is magnetizing to an emotional manipulator. At first the relationship seems wonderful—one person who loves to give. You will learn what drives emotional manipulators and codependents' relationships and you will become familiar with the destructive nature of this relationship. Meaning that, in a codependent relationship, there is an abuser and a . Many people who become involved with emotional manipulators do.
The politician was one of the masks that I wore.
Meditation and mindfulness have been immensely helpful practices that I use to observe myself. It creates an awareness that is impartial and non-judgemental. This, paired with compassion, are two of my keys to healing. Feeling the shame was important, but one should not wallow in it.10 Gaslighting Signs in an Abusive Relationship
You get to the truth by making the connections from your past history to your current behaviour. This was not done intentionally, of course, as the people who perpetrated the programming upon you were themselves suffering from their own internal programming.
I feel compassion and forgiveness towards those whose behaviour programmed me. They were as trapped within their own self made prison as I was.
Compassion and forgiveness is the key to breaking free of this prison. By letting go of these people and the pain they caused me, I was able to set myself free. This made it easier for me to feel compassion for myself. It was through an understanding that my early childhood fears are directly connected to my codependent behaviours of today that I was able to feel that compassion for myself and truly begin the healing process.
Now, I am taking the time to really get to know this politician. By understanding what her motivations are, I can take the steps to give to myself what it is she most craves — a feeling of worthiness. Every day, I vote for myself first and give to myself the nurturing and attention that I need, before giving this to others. I am saying yes and it actually means yes.
The same goes with no. Someone who lets them lead the dance while making them feel powerful, competent and appreciated.
Codependency Isn’t a Disorder, It’s a Relationship Dynamic - The Good Men Project
In other words, the narcissist feels most comfortable with a dancing companion who matches up with their self-absorbed and boldly selfish dance style. Narcissist dancers are able to maintain the direction of the dance because they always find partners who lack self-worth, confidence and who have low self-esteem — codependents.
With such a well-matched companion, they are able to control both the dancer and the dance. Although all codependent dancers desire harmony and balance, they consistently sabotage themselves by choosing a partner who they are initially attracted to, but will ultimately resent. When given a chance to stop dancing with their narcissistic partner and comfortably sit the dance out until someone healthy comes along, they typically choose to continue their dysfunctional dance.
They dare not leave their narcissistic dance partner because their lack of self-esteem and self-respect makes them feel like they can do no better.
Emotional Manipulators and Codependents: Understanding the Attraction
Being alone is the equivalent of feeling lonely, and loneliness is too painful to bear. Without self-esteem or feelings of personal power, the codependent is incapable of choosing mutually-giving and unconditionally-loving partners.
Their choice of a narcissistic dance partner is connected to their unconscious motivation to find a person who is familiar — someone who is reminiscent of their powerless and, perhaps, traumatic childhood.
Their fear of being alone, their compulsion to control and fix at any cost, and their comfort in their role as the martyr who is endlessly loving, devoted, and patient, is an extension of their yearning to be loved, respected, and cared for as a child.
His proposal was rejected, and in the now 30 years following no one has yet made a convincing enough case to establish that codependency fits into the medical category of a mental disorder.
If someone has obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, social anxiety disorder, etc. They are applicable to individuals and their own personal functioning. Codependency does not and cannot apply to any one person in particular, only to a type of relationship they are in, and only for the time in which they are in it. Social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or a specific phobia may or may not apply to any given victim of an abusive relationship.
Conduct disorder, an alcohol- or substance-related disorder, or a personality disorder may or may not apply to any given abuser in a codependent relationship.
Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free 5 Not everyone who becomes involved in a codependent relationship does so because they lack self-esteem. Many people who become involved with emotional manipulators do so because they have both high self-esteem and high empathy levels, and they want to be of service to others.
It happens because emotional manipulators are extremely well skilled at emotional manipulation.