QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU MARRY
Most relationship therapists begin with a list of pre-marriage counseling questions. While your answers give the therapist more insight into you as individuals. What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one? Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn? Have you ever been married? If so. In my premarital counseling with couples, we work on these 12 topics. F. What kind of relationship do you expect your kids to have with your.
How many hours a week do you work? What does your job entail? For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, performs dangerous tasks? What is your dream job? Have you ever been called a workaholic? What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working? Have you ever been fired?
Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot? Do you consider your work a career or just a job? Has your work ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Do you prefer urban, suburban, or rural settings? Is it important to have your own private home, or do you prefer apartment or condo living, with a management company responsible for the maintenance?
Are you a do-it yourselfer, or would you rather hire professionals? Do you prefer to clean your own home or hire a housekeeper? Do you think of your home as a cocoon, or is your door always open? What do you need to feel energized and inspired in your home? Is quiet important in your home, or do you prefer having music or some background noise most of the time?
Is it important to have a TV in the bedroom? Do you like to sleep with the TV or radio on? How important is it for you to have a space in your home that is yours alone? Have differences about home style ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship? If you had unlimited resources, how would you live? How important is it for you to make a lot of money?
What is your annual income? Do you pay alimony or child support? Do you believe in establishing a family budget? Should individuals within a marriage have separate bank accounts in addition to joint accounts?
Do you feel that bills should be divided based on a percentage of each person's salary? Who should handle the finances in your family? Do you have significant debts? Did you have a paying job when you were in high school? Have you ever been called cheap or stingy? Have you ever used money as a way of controlling a relationship? Has anyone ever tried to control you with money? Has money ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear? When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person? What happened in that relationship, and how have you come to terms with it? What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one?
Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn? Have you ever been married? If so, are you divorced or widowed? How do you think you handled the loss?
The Relationship Questions to Ask Before Marriage
Do you believe that past relationships should be left in the past and not talked about in your current relationship? Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?
Have you ever sought marriage counseling? What did the experience teach you? Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? What is your relationship with them? How do you see your relationship with them in the future? Have you ever had a live-in partner?
Why did you choose to live together instead of marrying? What did your experience teach you about the importance of marriage and about commitment? Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you?
What sexual activities do you enjoy the most? Are there specific sexual acts that make you uncomfortable?
Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions to Answer Before Saying I Do
This is no time to hedge. Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex? Have you ever been sexually abused or assaulted? What was the attitude toward sex in your family? Was it talked about? Who taught you about sex? Do you use sex to self-medicate? If something upsets you, do you use sex to try and help you feel better?
Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage? Do you enjoy viewing pornography? How often do you need or expect sex? Have you ever a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex? Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
How would you describe the current state of your health? Have you ever had a serious illness? Have you ever had surgery? Do you believe it is a sacred responsibility to take care of yourself? Do you believe that taking care of your physical and mental health is a part of honoring your marriage vows? Are there genetic diseases in your family or a history of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness? Do you have health insurance? Do you belong to a gym? If so, how much time do you spend at the gym every week?
Do you play sports or take exercise classes? Have you ever been in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship? Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder? Have you ever been in a serious accident? Do you take medication? Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease? Have you ever been treated for a mental disorder? Do you see a therapist? Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked?
Do you consider yourself an addictive personality, and have you ever suffered from an addiction? Have you ever been told you have an addiction problem, even though you might disagree? How much alcohol do you drink every week? Do you use recreational drugs? Have any of these health problems ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? How important is it that you always look your best? Are there cosmetic procedures that you regularly undergo?
Is weight control important to you? What would your reaction be if your partner were to gain a significant amount of weight? How much money do you spend on clothing every year? Do you worry about getting old? Do you worry about losing your looks? What do you like and dislike about your appearance? When you were a child, were you often complimented or shamed about your looks?
What would your reaction be if your spouse lost a limb? How would you handle this loss? Do you feel that you can have good chemistry with someone who is moderately physically attractive to you, or is a strong physical attraction necessary?
Do you want children? Are you unable to have children? Would you feel unfulfilled if you were unable to have children? Who is responsible for birth control? What would you do if there were an accidental pregnancy before you planned to have children? What is your view of fertility treatments? Would you adopt if you were unable to have a child naturally?
What is your view of abortion? Should a husband have an equal say in whether his wife has an abortion? Have you ever had an abortion? Have you ever given birth to a child or fathered a child who was put up for adoption? How important is it to you that your children are raised near your extended family? Do you believe that a good mother will want to breast-feed her baby?
Do you believe a mother or father should stay at home with a child during the first six months of life? Do you believe in spanking a child? What type of discipline do you believe in time-out, standing in the corner, taking away privileges, etc. Do you believe that children have rights? Do you believe that children should be raised with some religious or spiritual foundation?Couples Counseling: Pre marriage questions
Should boys be treated the same as girls? Should they have the same rules for conduct? Should you have the same expectations for their sexual behavior?
Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions to Answer Before Saying I Do | kinenbicounter.info
Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active? How would you handle it if you didn't like your child's friends? In a blended family; should birth parents be in charge of making decisions for their own children? Would you ever consider getting a vasectomy or having your tubes tied? Have differences concerning conception or child-raising ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? Are you close to your family?
Are you or have you ever been alienated from your family? Do you have a difficult time setting limits with family?
Have you identified the childhood wound that may have sabotaged your relationships in the past—the deeply imprinted fear that made you want to escape? How were you most hurt in your family; and who hurt you?
How did your parents settle conflicts when you were a child? Do people in your family carry long-term grudges? How much influence do your parents still have over your decisions? Have unresolved or ongoing family issues ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Do you see a close friend or friends at least once a week? Do you speak to any of your friends on the phone every day? Are your friendships as Important to you as your life partner is? If your friends need you, are you there for them? Is it important to you for your partner to accept and like your friends?
Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common? Do you have a difficult time setting limits with friends? Has a partner ever been responsible for breaking up a friendship? Have friends ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? Are you an animal lover? Do you have a dog, cat, or other beloved pet? Have you ever been physically aggressive with an animal?
Have you deliberately hurt an animal? Do you believe a person should give up his or her pet if it interferes with the relationship? Do you consider pets members of your family?
Have disagreements about pets ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship? Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate, or conservatives, or do you reject political labels? What was the attitude in your family about political involvement and social action?
Do you belong to a political party? Are you actively involved? Did you vote in the last presidential election? Do you believe that two people of differing political ideologies can have a successful marriage?
Do you believe that the political system is skewed against people of color, poor people, and the disenfranchised? Which political issues do you care about? Where will you live after the arrival of children?
How do you determine if a new career path or job is reason enough to move? Do you hope to live in the same house or area for a long time? Will you need to be close to your parents either as you get together now or as they get older?
Will you have children and if so how many? When do you plan to start a family? How far apart would you want your kids to be in age? Would abortion ever be acceptable before or after that? What kinds of philosophies did your parents have about child raising and do you agree or disagree? What kinds of punishment are appropriate or not appropriate? What kinds of expectations do you each have about money spent on toys, clothes, etc. Will you have separate or joint checking accounts or both?
If you do have different accounts, who will be responsible for which expenses? Who will pay the bills? Do you agree to have full financial disclosure about each of your personal financial situation at all times? How will strong disagreements about spending money be resolved? Is there any debt that either partner has incurred before the marriage ex.
What amount of available money does each of you need to have to feel comfortable? Will there be a savings plan for the first house? Do you plan to keep trading houses as you can afford it?
How much credit card debt or home equity loan debt is acceptable? Agreement about taking care of the financial needs of parents if likely? Do you plan to send your kids to private or parochial school? When do you hope to begin saving for retirement? Will you use a financial planner? Parents and In-laws A. How much time does each of you need to spend with your parents and how much do you expect your partner to join you?
How do you plan to spend the holidays? What will be the holiday expectations of each of your parents and how will you deal with those expectations? What kind of support do you expect from your partner when the parents are putting pressure on you? Is it OK for either of you to talk with parents about the problems of the relationship? What kind of relationship do you expect your kids to have with your parents?
Do you anticipate that you will ever want a parent to live with the two of you when you grow old? Gender Role Expectations A. What did your parents model for you concerning who did what in the family? Did you feel that was fair and do you expect something different?
Does each of you have some preferences that might be unrelated to gender? How will you deal with household or yard maintenance? How will you divvy up these responsibilities or hire someone? Do both of you expect to work if you have children?
When the children get sick, how do you decide who stays home with them? Do you agree on issues around erotic moments together? How often do you want to enjoy an intimate evening with each other? How do you intend to resolve differences in sexual preferences? Can you work out an agreement about how to deal with differences in frequency of sexual desire?
Are there certain things that are clearly off limits?